No more heroes anymore?

I heard today that my man Joseba Etxeberria has signed a new contract with Athletico Bilbao where he'll play the 2009/10 season for free. I wish I was a Basque so I could play for Bilbao. Ok, they haven't had a lot of success in recent years but the love of the club players like Etxeberria and Guerrero have and the love the fans have for those players is great to see in todays money driven world of football.

For about 5 years now if I'm flicking round the channels and I see Jerry Springer I always have to check it to see if Jamie Dundee's on it. But he never is. Well, until yesterday. This world can't be so bad in 2008 if some dude from England's flicking around the channels and see's a topless Jamie Dundee with a big "EVIL" tattoo on his belly talking about how he's a racist convict and is playing lonely women for cash money and a bed to sleep in when he gets out. Of course he slept with the niece too and her lazy ass skateboarding boyfriend comes out but Ice Ice Baby rips him a new one (although he did gas badly in the process). It's all a work and Dundee and Springer can barely keep straight faces. But who cares it's fun, which I think describes why I like wrestling but it's rarely fun anymore. Dundee and Springer have just transported the Memphis TV Studio into the Springer Studio, Jerry playing a sleazy Lance Russell (he even holds the mic the same way). Anyway, Jamie ends up with the niece and finishes with the line "I ain't rascist, I've got a colour TV". He'll probably be back on the show in another 6 months, maybe as a two timing white supremacist or a Nazi who slept with his sister. How anybody can forget him is beyond me. Wrestling made him.

BUDDY LANDELL QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"I'll poke your eye balls out and blow wind through your skull baby! I said it!"

DISUADE ME FROM JOINING THE CHAIN

MEMPHIS 88

Shaun Baxter vs. Blue Knight. Robert Fuller comes out and says young Baxter might be stud stable material. That’s high praise indeed. He says that Shaun reminds him of Rod Stewart, who I suppose in 1988 was one of those British rock dinosaurs making it big in 80’s America. He’s got big blonde hair but doesn’t have a big nose or sit next to Sean Connery or Billy Connolly at Hampden Park when Scotland have a big game. One guy who’s already a paid up member of the stable, Gary Young, strolls out in grey pants and black blazer suit combo that only he could get away with. The other stable members, Don “The Singing Cowboy” Bass and stable valet Sylvia also come out. For a singing cowboy Don Bass doesn’t sing that much. He sometimes comes out on TV holding a guitar but that’s about it. After Baxter beats the Blue Knight and the teenage girls are finished screaming Fuller offers him a place in The Studs Stable. Baxter says he doesn’t want to join and doesn’t think the fans would want him to join. The teenage girls scream in agreement at this last statement. Baxter walks away from the stable members and makes his way to the back. Rule 207 of wrestling: Never turn your back on Robert Fuller. The Tennessee Stud attacks and throws Baxter into the ring post. Baxter’s no Tommy Rich so unfortunately no sweet, sweet blade action is involved. The white TV studio floor is made for blade jobs and pools of blood, one day Shaun Baxter will learn this. Gorgeous Gary Young holds Baxter as Fuller punches him in the face. Billy Joe Travis and Scott Steiner run out to make the save.

I watch this and make quick, little weird notes filled with abbreviations and shorthand. Due to my laziness I usually write about it properly (that made me laugh) a week or so later. The next match is Max Payne & Tom Brandi vs. Gary Young & Don Bass. Anyway, I wrote BB attacks DQ. Now BB is obviously the world wide known initials of Brickhouse Brown but I’ve spent the last 5 minutes trying to work out who DQ is. Then it suddenly struck me, DQ = disqualification. Oh, how we laughed. So yeah, Brickhouse attacks Payne and it’s a disqualification. El Hijo Del Rod Stewart (Shaun Baxter) makes the save. He should have had a bloody bandage on his head but alas he didn’t. I think he dropkicked Brickhouse out the ring but my mind might have just made that up.

THIS IS MY ARMY, WE WILL DESTROY YOU (2)

Back by popular demand! The first one of these (Mascherano) was way back in January and tonight for some reason I got the urge to do another one. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll do another PAUL LEE WATCH. Who knows!

Anyway, my army needed strengthening, I needed someone else to believe in and that man is Walter Boyd. Do players, MEN, PATHFINDERS like Walter Boyd still exist in the year 2008? Maybe I'm just getting old and romanticizing through the nostalgic mists of time but I don't think they do (I actually know they do but I'll only realise this and find these people of 2008 in about 2018). Do foreign playmakers, wunderkinds still turn up on our shores without a care in the world, getting into trouble while becoming cult heroes for some lower league team who have been starved of entertainers since Bernie Clifton stopped doing his bird routine during the half time interval?

Walter Boyd was one of these men. I once saw a documentary on the Jamaican teams qualifying campaign for the 1998 World Cup. Boyd was trouble, so the people who make the big decisions said. He wasn't one of those nice English chaps, who had turned up on the scene now that it looked like the land of their forefathers might achieve something on the world stage. But the fans loved Boyd. Like all flawed geniuses he got another chance. I think it was a warm up game before the world cup and he delivered with a goal. Now I saw this programme 10 years ago so my brains probably making half of this up but the camera was in the crowd and (this is probably the made up bit) some fan in crazy make up, like a witch doctor or something, looks straight into the camera and shouts "NOW WILL THEY BELIEVE IN WALTER BOYD!" I don't think there needs to be a question mark. The line was definitely spoken, whether it was by a witch doctor type I'm not so sure. That lines stayed with me, in my subconscious for all these years and every so often I say it to my self for completely different reasons.
Walter Boyd's in my army and we will destroy you. Godspeed, you black emperor.

Bushwick Bill quote of the week:

Scarface: They say the Beatles was the biggest.
Bushwick Bill: N*gga fuck Paul and the rest o' y'all.

I love this line, it always makes me chuckle. I wonder if McCartney knows about it, that a midget gangsta rapper is dissing him and his dead moptop comrades (and Ringo). The worlds still waiting for Paul's response. Or maybe he's chicken. Or maybe he knows that the Geto Boys are bigger than the Beatles and Jesus (sorry Bushwick) put together.

Poll Results:

On August 1st 2008 I asked the question "does barley still grow in England?" The response from the sites avid (some would say rabid!) fans was astounding! 50% of you thought barley does still grow in England, while a staggering 50% thought that barley does not still grow in England. Unbelievably we've got a staggering stalemate draw! The total number of people who voted was an astonishing zero. Please keep checking back to the blog in the coming days, weeks, months, years and decades for more exciting polls!!

LANCE RUSSELL QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"We have not questioned Brickhouse's ability to wrestle, we've questioned his attitude, techniques and some of the things he does in there."

I think he played with a black heart

Does barley still grow in England?

Glasses for Flasks with laser ideas

On Monday 7th July I was supposed to go check out the Memphis 88 to get things right cleaned up like to my previous post. I didn't do this. My muddled post is now the official history of Memphis 88. When the Kangomangs from Sputon 7 kill all humans and take over the earth, this will be all they'll learn about Memphis Studio Wrestling from 1988. The knowledge that Gary Young is taller than you think he is will give great insight into the land that the Kangomangs now rule.

I wrote this little bit about Florida some time ago on a distant planet that you do not know about. It's difficult sometimes, it really is.

Florida 1984 June/July

It’s Gordon’s show. Kevin Sullivan has found the lock. He pulls the Fallen Angel on a chain towards ring side. Young men pull faces at the TV camera, too embarrassed to admit they’ll have nightmares tonight. Sullivan lies on the mat and his minions cover him with snakes. This is pro wrestling. His wrestling ability is an afterthought.

Billy Jack Haynes is very matter of fact in his promos. He tells Solie that he’s the best TV commentator about ten times and keeps saying he’s glad to be here, it’s just an honour to meet Dusty Rhodes and Eddie Graham. Dory Funk’s physical form is in the studio. With his goatee, a lobotomised brother Terry. Gordon tells us he held the World Title for 4 ½ years. A different era, people must have even thought this in 84. Dory’s trying to make Solie believe that he’s been feuding with Dusty elsewhere but Gordon finds this hard to believe. Gordon Solie knows everything.

Billy Jack wanders over to the interview desk and shakes Dory’s hand. He says it’s an honour to meet him and apart from Dusty Rhodes he’s the best athlete he’s met from West Texas State University. Dory slaps him in the face and walks away. Totally understandable.

Dory promo, blue background. They could have put anything on the blue background to jazz this up (and boy does Zombie Dory need jazzing up) like they do in those blockbuster movies, but they didn't. I would have liked to have seen an old episode of The Bill or possibly Hetty Wainthropp Investigates play out behind Dory as he stutters and stumbles through this little easy promo about hating Dusty and Billy Jack. But it's 1984 and neither The Bill or Hetty Wainthropp Investigates have been invented yet. If they had, surely they would have used my idea.

UPDATE - I've just checked IMDB because I am a sad, sad friendless man and it told me that The Bill first hit the screens in the UK on 16th October 1984. Almost but not quite.

Well I hope I don't come top of the class

I didn't go to the Lucha and obviously I wish I did. I read some reviews and Solar and Negro Navarro wrestled each other which makes it even worse. Like they're ever going to come back to England. Anyway.....

I got back into my Memphis 88 viewing Friday night and three days later I'm going to try and remember-review it. I remember telling myself that if I can remember one thing then I'll remember everything because it all builds from this one thing. And imaginary readers that one thing is the Studs Stable strolling into the TV Studio like they owned the joint.

Robert Fuller turned up a couple a weeks ago, I guess to just case the joint. He basically beat the crap out of every babyface worth a beating, especially Jeff Jarrett. This week Fuller turns up with his cousin Jimmy Golden, both wearing awesome matching robes. Fuller's valet Sylvia's there too and Robert says they're looking for people to add to the Stable. The first man they call out is Gorgeous Gary Young, who would have been my first pick too. Since watching Memphis 88 I've realised Young's quality and's also a lot taller than you'd think.

I'm trying to piece this all together in my brain, somewhere Jeff Jarrett had a damn good fight with KEITH ERIC. Lance Russell even mentioned on commentary that Keith never beats anyone. But Jarrett gives Eric loads here, bumping around for him. Shit like this makes me start to like Jeff and that's not good. After the match Lance interviews Jeff, who's completely gassed. Damn, I think I'm getting all this mixed up. Somewhere along the way Tojo Yamamoto returned with a new Japanese wrestler called Senshei. This must have happened before The Studs Stable came out because the next guy they want to recruit is Senshei. Tojo came out and Fuller mentions something about slanty eyes and such. Tojo and his boy obviously won't be joining the Stable.

Now then, next thing I remember is Sylvia smacking Tojo over the head with a kendo stick a few hundred times.

Can't get out of bed

Oh jeez, oh jeez guys. El Hijo Del Santo, Solar 1 and Negro Navarro are wrestling in London and I'm too lazy to go. It's probably a 3 hour train journey but still, SANTITO!!. I hate myself sometimes, I really do imaginary reader, I really do. Next Friday, Saturday and Sunday they are putting on lucha clinics for the good people of Londinium and its environs. Hopefully something changes in my mood-life and I order a ticket because I know I'm going to hate myself forever more if I miss this. NEGRO NAVARRO!

I didn't go to the Santo/Blue Panther shows in Colchester(?) a few years back and I still hate myself because of that. Satanico, Ultimo Guerrero and possibly Olimpico (or maybe Tarzan Boy, I forget) once did some arty lucha thing in a gallery in London a while back too. I feel my life would be infinitely better now if I had seen EL NUMERO UNO RUDO in the whole of Mexico live in person. I'd probably have a beautiful girlfriend and be a millionaire now if I'd breathed the same air as Satanico. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go watch some Los Infernales matches and dream.

ALF STEWART QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a pile of washing that a giraffe couldn’t see over."

december boys got it bad

Man, in the post United Champions of Europe world that we find ourselves living in I don't feel like doing much. I'm blaming my laziness on John Terry and because of him Alex Ferguson is apparently the bestest manager in the world ever. Thanks John.

Anyway, lets talk about some real sport, the sport of kings, catch as catch can wrestling. Get this, in Memphis 1988 (United hadn't won a European cup or league for a long time, Graeme Hogg played for them and Neil Webb was their great white hope) Jerry Lawler is the new AWA WORLD CHAMPION. Jackie Fargo was the ref and he sort of did a four count, just to emphasise the victory I guess. It looked like a pretty full Mid-South Coliseum and they went mad for the local boy done good.

Lance Russell, probably the happiest man on the planet apart from Lawler, interviews the new champ. Lawler, in full Miami Vice outfit and George Michael designer stubble, tells Lance that he can only spare a minute or two because he's got a plane waiting for him. He's defending his World Title in some far off distant land (Minnesota?) and can't stop too long in Memphis. WHAT! It sort of comes across as a heel turn but it isn't, the poor old Mempho faithful just have to accept it, their king's now Verne Gagne's king.

Meanwhile Brickhouse Brown, with his usual linguistic dexterity, eases the crowds fears that Brother Ernest has picked up an illness. "HE'S GOT AIDS, HE'S GOT AIDS" chant the crowd but Brickhouse says it's just a cold. He's sort of taken over Ernest's managerial role while he gets over his cold. They show backstage footage at the Mid-South Coliseum after Hennig's title loss and Eddie Marlin's telling him that he can't have a rematch with Lawler until he's got the Southern Title. Brickhouse buts in, rips the Southern Title from Max Payne, who he's managing, and tries to give it to Hennig. All hell breaks loose.

ASSASINATION ATTEMPTS WON'T KEEP ME DOWN

Memphis 1988 is all about the King going for the AWA World Title. His big match against Curt Hennig is happening early May and Lawler's said if he loses he's going to retire. I guess in my horrible smart mark mind I think Lawler retiring at 38 is ridiculous, so it's obvious he's getting the belt. But Jerry Jarrett keeps on coming out on TV to chat with Lance and I think this is done to show the fans that he ain't that much older than Lawler and Jarrett's retired and doing well for himself. Still involved in Memphis wrestling but retired. A couple of times When Lance was interviewing Lawler building up to the Title match he even mentions his other business' outside of wrestling that he's involved in. Shit, maybe Lawler will lose.

party for real this time

I remember the Dodo.
Or was that Dido?
I just don’t know now.
One’s as dead as Fido
and the others as
boring as Bono.

What the hell was that? It just sort of came to me out of my brain and then went all the way down to my fingywingies. Unfortunately they were resting on a keyboard at the time and look what happened! Does this make me a published poet now? Should I start wearing a cravat and smoke a pipe? Who cares. One thing everyone cares about is this weeks CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK. All I'm watching is Memphis 88 at the moment and basically Rodney Napper could win it every week but that's no fun, is it. Maybe it is. Nobody really takes a good clothesline in Lucha so I think I need to mix it up a bit with some Smoky Mountain again and bring back the long running saga that was PAUL LEE WATCH.

SHOW ME HOW TO SWIM FOR THE PRIZE

I don't have to sell my soul, Memphis 88 is already in me. Eddie Gilbert's throwing fire balls like there's no tomorrow. Lawler, Jerry Jarrett and Randy "Mr Charisma" Hales all get fire in the face. Jerry Jarrett had been away for a while checking on his logging company! He returns back to the TV studio to give Lance Russell an award for best announcer but all he receives in return is a FIREBALL from Hotstuff.

Eddie's dad Tommy wears a shell suit top because he can. Eddie Marlin's woken up from his matchmaker stupor and is up for a fight or two with his former tag team partner. He blades to sell tickets. The Gilbert's and Missy Hyatt are taking over and something needs to be done. Jerry Lawler's stuck at home recovering from a FIREBALL, Lance phones him up each week to reassure the fans that the King is not dead. Hang on, when Eddie Gilbert slams the phone down Lance says Lawler is not at home he's BACKSTAGE.

A stubbled Lawler appears in all black looking like a cat burglar. HE ATTACKS. They end up outside the TV studio, in the bright sunshine of the real world, Memphis 1988. They start the 6 year build up for Eddie and Doug Gilbert running Lawler over when Eddie slams the King through a car windshield. Lawler takes it because he's some ace stunt man wrestler and Hotstuff disappears into the Memphis sun to think again. These two are probably my favourite two wrestlers ever, maybe with Terry Funk. And Super Porky. And El Hijo Del Santo. AND SO IT CONTINUES..........

CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK

Yep, it's that time again folks. This weeks winner is Rodney Napper who was pulverised by a double clothesline of destruction from Gary Young and Maxx Payne in 1988. I've mentioned before that the somersault thing when you've been hit sometimes looks stupid but Rodney did it and it looked awesome. Mainly because I think Young and Payne hit him pretty hard. Gorgeous Gary Young always creeps me out a little bit because it looks like he dyes his hair a shade of gingery red. I don't know, maybe that's his natural colour but for some reason I think he dyes it. And he's bigger than you think, every time I see him wrestle I think "boy is Gary Young bigger than I thought". Which is weird because you'd think that after the first time I thought it I wouldn't think it again, but I do.

Anyway, Rodney Napper now lives in a huge mansion on the hill in Tennessee next to Jerry Jarrett's. Little did we know but Rodney made his money from being on WCW's roster for 8 years but nobody knew, apart from Jane Fonda who was a big fan of his. One day when Ted Turner was busy swimming in his money room Jane added Rodney onto the roster as Drizzle, a third member of the Thunder & Lightning tag team. Nobody ever realised. Sometimes he'd go round to Lanny Poffo's house to wrestle him and they'd pretend it was being taped for Nitro. In reality Lanny was just taping it for his own personal collection and in all honesty I don't think Rodney Napper dressed as Julie Andrews from The Sound Of Music would have ever made it onto Nitro. Especially as Lanny was dressed as Maggie Thatcher.

Well, I sent the CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK award to Rodney by Fed Ex and I expect he's made up with it. I had to do this because when I went back in time to 1988 Rodney wasn't home.

Random Wrestling

Memphis 88

It’s January 1988 (I wish) and Lance and Dave welcome us to another wonderful Memphis studio show. Lance runs down the show. We’ve got Jeff Jarrett and Manny Fernandez teaming, The Rock and Roll RPM’s, The Midnight Rockers and The Doctor’s of Rock. That’s a whole lot of rock there folks. Who the hell are the Doctor’s of Rock? Anyway, first up is Art Barr’s brother Jimmy Jack Funk. I just remembered that my blog has the words Art and Barr in its title, so I thought I would mention that. But Lance and Dave tell me that he’s not Art’s brother, he’s actually the cousin of Terry Funk and I believe them. Jimmy Jack wears a little Zorro type mask and the word on the internet street has always been that it’s because Haku pulled his eye out over some drunk disagreement in their WWF days. I think Jimmy Jack probably beat Haku’s top score on Space Invaders and this act of computer wizardry must’ve really pissed the Tongan off. Maybe he just wore the mask so people would stop saying “ Hey ain’t that Jesse Barr ?” This is a possibility but I think we’re all agreed that my Space Invaders story is a lot more plausible.

He does a good job sounding like Terry Funk, which is weird because most Portland wrestlers try to sound like Roddy Piper. He’s got the King in a CWA title match. He says he’s talked to his cousin and that Lawler’s the king of sissys. This harsh critique on the Memphis people causes their King to come out in full outfit. Robe: check. Crown: check. CWA title: check.. Slightly lopsided goatee: check.

The match starts and it’s all about hair pulling. Funk isn’t happy so he’s gone a got his buddy Teijo Khan from the back to sit at ringside. Khan’s a white guy from Mongolia with a Mohawk. A Mohawk on a wrestler cancels out whiteness, so it’s acceptable that he’s from Mongolia. How, when and where the fake Mongolian and the fake Texan met is unknown. Maybe at the 1987 Mongolian National Space Invaders Championships. The hair pulling shenanigans goes on so Lawler goes and gets someone to help him. Out comes Jeff Jarrett. Screams and wetness ensue from the teen Mempho crowd. Eventually Lawler’s strap comes down but Khan attacks him on the outside. Jeff goes to help and Jimmy Jack joins in too. The bell goes and Lawler retains by DQ! Dave informs us that this all took 7 minutes and 19 seconds to run its course.

Now we’ve got some interviews about upcoming matches. Randy Hales, the most charismatic man in wrestling called Randy Hales, dressed like Lance Russell Jr is in charge of the mic. Our old friends Jimmy Jack Funk and Teijo Khan are there. Teijo pulls faces because he’s a wild man from a far off land. Hey, maybe all their people are like this. I think Jimmy Jack called Lawler a sissy again but I was too busy watching Khan’s gurning. Then The Midnight Rockers come out. Marty Jannetty and Shaun Michaels talk smack to Hales, which everyone really should do, even the baby faces. They tell him that in the months they’ve been in Memphis he hasn’t changed his suit and he needs to get a haircut, both very true.

Right we’re back in the studio and Nate The Rat brings out the Doctor’s Of Rock. Jeff Jarrett comes out to say that the Ragin’ Bull can’t wrestle because he had to see a doctor (of rock?) due to Teijo Khan’s attack on him last week. He then drops a bombshell by implying that the masked Doctors Of Rock are The Rock N’ Roll RPM’s!!!! The RPM’s lost a loser leaves town match to Ricky Nelson and Billy Joe Travis last week. Lance Russell didn’t even think about this, Jeff Jarrett’s like Sherlock Holmes but with a teenage fan club. But the super sleuth gets beat up by The Doctors of Rock and Khan/ Funk until the baby faces arrive to save the day. Randy “Mr Charisma” Hales arrives on the scene like a wet fart and says that if Jarrett can remove the masks and prove that it’s Mike Davis and Tommy Lane then they won’t be able to wrestle again in Memphis. If I was Davis or Lane I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Don't Go To The Spanish House

I just did a search on ebay for Tommy Rich and the only thing the zero and ones of my computer could find was WOMEN'S HANDBAGS. Disgusting. I don't know what Tommy Rich merchandise I was expecting to be on ebay in 2008 but it certainly wasn't handbags.

This weeks CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEEK goes to (drum roll) Michelle McCool!?! Hang on, I think someone's given me the wrong envelope or something here. This is the CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK award not the 2008 Sexiest Lassie from Tallahassee award. Actually, it goes to Victoria because she was the woman who took it but McCool was the *cough* wrestler who gave it. I get countless e-mails (zero) asking me why I give the award to the taker and not the giver of the clothesline and basically it boils down to the fact that wrestling's fake so the person pretending to be hurt ...... something or other.

Although in this case McCool just stiffed Victoria I think but she looks like she's improved a bit since the last time I saw her. I was just flicking around the channels and caught a WWE highlight show (honest guv) and watched their match. I don't need no time machine or ghost commentator to hand this award to the winner, although the ghost of Pez Whatley thought I made the right choice.

LANCE RUSSELL QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"What every happened to the Terry Taylor I knew and loved?"

PAUL LEE WATCH

Ok folks, in his next match Paul Lee does two (COUNT THEM) Flair falls flat on his face and (AND) he did the over the turnbuckle thing but got clotheslined en route to the next turnbuckle. I can't actually remember who he was wrestling, I only have eyes for the Flea Market Nature Boy. Whoooocoughoooooo. (I think it was Dixie Dy-no-mite. It's Scott Armstrong under the hood but promise me you won't go back in time to 1992 and tell everyone. Promise?

The Way We Like It

I’m watching early Smoky Mountain Wrestling and I’m going to pretend that I’m going to review it on a weekly basis like all the other weekly things I promise to do. I promise my imaginary readers these things and I’ve already got imaginary e-mails titled “Where’s this weeks Alf Stewart/ Clothesline/ This Is My Army We Will Destroy You of the week?” These things take time and usually get published in Teen Vogue or the French Beano before they make this blog. That's where the money is, the French are crazy for the Beano. "Un Minnie La Minx, cest manifique"

Buddy Landel, Paul Orndorff, Robert Gibson, Jimmy Golden, Dirty White Boy, Brian Lee.

Seriously, that’s a sweet little roster right there. Add Jim Cornette and The Heavenly Bodies to the mix and we’re there, wrestling heaven. Jimmy Golden comes out to the Black Crowes’ “Hard To Handle” and he’s a heel but we could never hate him. Brian Lee’s music’s boss too but I’m still not sure if he’s quite pulling off the top baby face/ Heavyweight Champ role.

One of the great things about early Smoky Mountain is the amount of WCW job guys they have. The likes of Rip Rogers, Barry Horowitz and Johnny Rich had been someones elsewhere before they slipped down the ladder in WCW but they’re back to being sort of roster guys here, even though they almost always lose. They get a bit of mic time, Johnny Rich and his “cousin” Davey (The Party Patrol!) even get talked up as being genuine competition for The Heavenly Bodies.

Other job guys from WCW are still jobbers but they get a lot more offense in. In WCW they just got dropped on the head by Vader or power bombed onto a gurney by Sid but the likes of Joe Cazana, Scot Sandlin and Tommy Angel get the chance to do more moves than just the odd punch. Angel looks a quality wrestler and, with the exception of his balding mullet, I’m not sure why he wasn't given a gimmick or at least a little push.

One guy who was given a little push was Mark Kyle who became KILLER KYLE, a sort of gangster who came to the ring with a violin case. He obviously couldn’t talk so he was a mean and silent type and he wasn’t a particularly decent wrestler so he mainly just did power moves. But hell, Mark Kyle’s on my TV screen winning matches which can only be a good thing and he’s wearing a shirt so we don’t have to see his hairy shoulders.

The highlight for me though has been the one (so far) appearance of Paul Lee. Paul was (IS) obviously a huge Ric Flair fan and basically copied his look and moves. As a jobber in WCW he just got beat up so all you saw was a Flair look-alike in a flea market robe and shades. But in Smoky Mountain Lee was allowed to do a bit more and excels doing a perfect flair bump over the turnbuckle. He then runs along the apron to the next turnbuckle and waits for Robert Gibson to throw him off. It was pure beauty. After getting clotheslined outside the ring he even took a few steps then fell flat on his face. As a kid I’m sure I thought Lee was Flair on WCW Worldwide and had just had an off day, getting battered by Tom Zenk or Firebreaker Chip in less than 2 minutes.

Bloggins

Holla holla boys and girls. I hope you all know that the Lucha is even finer than a sixty niner with Scotty Steiner? That last bit is obviously not my thoughts but I’ve been watching a lot of 2000 WCW and that big bad booty daddy, that genetic freak, that guy who’s only interested in his freaks and peaks, well he says lots of things like that. Where have I been these last 2 months, who knows or cares but I’ve watched enough mid 80’s Florida and Late 90’s Mexico to be hyped for this here wrasslin shenanigans again. Even as I’m writing this I know I probably won’t post again for a month but lets just for now pretend I will. I’m listening to Teenage Fanclub, Home & Away’s about to start, I have tapes and discs that are laden with Super Porky, Maya Singh, Solar 1 and Jimmy Backlund. For a split second life is good.

Which reminds me dear reader, I was watching a bit of that there Florida Wresting and little Jimmy Backlund took the best satanic clothesline from Kevin Sullivan. He did the somersault thing that I don’t usually like but it just looked awesome here. I also watched Volunteer Slam 1992 and Davey Rich/Haskins did one too, I think from Stan Lane. It was pretty good and usually it’d win my coveted (and just made up) CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK award but the almost decapitated Jimmy Backlund from 1985 begs to differ. My CLOTHESLINE OF THE WEEK award is made of plastic and coloured in with a gold felt tip pen. I send it backwards through the time vortex to whoever is the weekly recipient. Gordon Solie’s ghost told me that Jimmy Backlund was really made up with it.

Real sad news, Bestia Salvaje died last week. My spell check tells me the words Bestia and Salvaje don’t exist, my spell check needs to watch more lucha. That rudo guy with the leather gloves and bell needs to give Bestia a 10 bell salute. He was a great worker who bumped around and made everyone else look great too.

THIS IS MY ARMY, WE WILL DESTROY YOU (1)

JAVIER MASCHERANO
I’d guess he grew up watching that crazy Argentine Lucha show. The guys a worker pure and simple, if I found out he was the original Mascarita Sagrada it wouldn’t surprise me. Gerrard gets all the plaudits because he’s English, has got to that Beckham position of being untouchable, even if he plays rubbish and’s part of the New World Order (possibly). But Gerrard’s not in my army, El Super Raton is. And if those two Yank millionaires don't give Rafa cash money to buy little Javier, I'll swim the Atlantic and start snapping the necks of the Montreal Canadians and Texas Rangers players until they pay up.

Birthday Greetings To El Puma

Yesterday it was your hero and mine JERRY ESTRADA'S 50th birthday. The bumps and stuff have caught up with him but I hope he's doing ok. I visualise the not so mini Jerrito Estrada walking into Jerry's dining room holding a cake with fifty lit candles on it, singing happy birthday to his larger version. I bet Jerry got 20% of Jerrito's earnings or something, like an agent, so Jerrito was probably created for drug money. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Looking at the fantastic Luchawiki site I noticed that Herodes was one of Jerry's trainers, which explains alot and makes me happy.

I'll probably do some hero of the week thing, just so I post at least once a week. What for, I don't know. Hero's probably the wrong word, maybe I'll think of something better.