RANDOM WRESTLING

Super Porky vs. Gran Markus Jr (Hair vs. Hair) CMLL TV 1998

This is the battle of the two finest bellies in the whole of CMLL. You couldn’t really call it a battle of the heavyweights because although they’ve got the weight they haven’t really got the height. Neither of them is that tall, I think Porky’s about 5ft 4 cubed. I think these two would be more upset if this was a pies vs. chocolate cake match rather than a hair vs. hair match. Both of them have actually had health problems in recent years because of their weight, a couple of weeks ago it said in the Wrestling Observer that Porky collapsed in the corner of the ring in a match against Sean Waltman and that he's had a history of heart problems. I hope he's okay, he's one of my favourite wrestlers. Porky’s brother Brazo de Oro is the king of the hair match, he probably hasn’t had to pay for a hair cut since he was a kid. Because this is a big match they get 2 ring girls each, although these aren’t the hot HOT CMLL ones that were around from the 00’s. They’re still alright and everything but they haven’t got the ass and smiles the later ones had. They’ve also got seconds (towel boys), Negro Casas with Porky and Mascara Ano Dos Mil with Gran Markus. Casas looks even creepier than usual, if that’s possible, with a t-shirt-shorts-small white boots combo.

Once the women have left the ring Gran Markus goes to work and throws Porky outside. Porky goes straight for the sweet sweet blade real early and soon his face is a bloody mess. While getting back in the ring he hands the blade to the ref who pockets it. That’s wrestling kids! I remember someone mentioning once on this here Internet that there was once some mythic six man tag match were the luchadores all bladed, with the ref passing the one blade around between them. Probably never happened but if it did I’d love to see it. Not only is Porky bleeding but Mascara Ano Dos Mil is beating him up from outside. But Rey Mendoza isn’t having any of it. The dad of the Villanos is in his usual ringside seat and he tells him to stop it. I think Mendoza is sort of like a commissioner in CMLL because he’s always in the ring presenting belts etc. I like to think of him as a cross between a commissioner and old sports star Casino greeter. Even after Rey Mendoza’s told him not to, Ano Dos Mil trips Porky up. Gran Markus body slams him and gets the first fall with a submission.

Negro Casas helps up a bloody Brazo De Plata. Did I mention that Casas has a knot tied at the front of his shirt? CREEPY. Rey Mendoza, hands behind his back like an old policeman, sends Mascara Ano Dos Mil to the back. This gets a big reaction from the technico fans who all help Ano Dos Mil by pointing to the exit. Start of 2nd fall and Gran Markus holds onto the ropes for a pin but Casas, from outside, pushes him off. Now Casas gets sent to the back. Markus goes for a sunset flip but Porky jumps and sits on him for the 3 count.

Before the 3rd fall starts the doctor checks Porky’s cut, he begs the doc not to stop the fight. Porky tries to get it over quick with a big clothesline and a Big Daddy Belly that knocks Markus out of the ring. PORKY TOPE!!! Markus gets up and knocks Porky down and then does a plancha . Mistico’s got nothing on these guys. SPINNING DIVE FROM PORKY!!! Markus clotheslines Porky for a 2 count. He must be tired from all the dives because Porky didn’t kick out, Markus just rolled off him. They do it the other way round and Markus at least kicks out. Porky goes up to the top and dives/belly flops onto Markus for the win.

While Gran Markus gets his head shaved Super Porky is at ringside covered in blood, kissing a young fan. He gets given a small white bag filled with Markus’ hair. It looks like the kind of bag people use to put their dog shit in. He holds it high in the air, proud of his victory.