MID-WEEK MAYHEM 87

Greensboro, North Carolina

I was going to post something on Saturday about how I seem to only post on Saturdays. But then I couldn't be bothered, which must really disappoint you my imaginary readers of this blog. As it’s now Wednesday the post about me only posting on Saturdays isn't really going to work. Maybe if I was posting from somewhere else and due to time difference it’s actually Saturday. But for 4 days time difference I guess I’d have to be on Mars or in the centre of the earth with the devil. Yeesh, here’s someTHING.

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I was thinking today about wrestling t-shirts, about how awesome they could be and about how crap the WWE ones are. They just have big writing on them and a shitty looking cartoon picture. They also usually say stuff like “YOUR ASS IS MINE”. Who the hell wants to walk around with a t-shirt that says that, with a cartoon picture of a wrestler on it too? Not even sane wrestling fans should want that. Anyway, I decided that if I wasn’t so inartistic and if I wasn’t so lazy I’d do a “WILDFIRE STILL RULES” t-shirt in the style of Hogan’s. Even though I haven’t seen him wrestle for 6 or 7 years I’m sure that statement’s still true and not in a horrible VH1 pimp-to-my-daughter type of way.

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I watched The Great American Bash and here are my concise, thought provoking views.
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Candice Michelle’s a slow Rick Steamboat and I love her for it. Her match with Melina was like Flair vs. Steamboat from 89 but slower. Candice tries loads of different things each match which is a rarity when most guys pretty much do move for move every week on Raw or Smackdown. I think Chris Jericho (apparently he was good for wrestling during the whole Benoit TV freakathon because he looks like he should be in Days Of Our Lives and not in a Carnival) holds the record for wrestling the same TV match in WWE every week (2 years, 4 months, 7 days). Why can’t women run the ropes? I don’t get it. Rey Mysterio always looks like the ropes are going to eat him but the women just go dead slow and look stupid.

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Great Khali rules. People diss the guy because he’s an awful wrestler but that’s not the point. He’s some huge Indian dude who can only shout-speak vowels, so badly that they had to pretend he couldn’t speak English and had to have an interpreter. His legs go on for ever, like he’s got huge lifts in his shoes or midget wrestlers down his pants. Kane/Batista/Great Khali should have been a train wreck but Khali took a bump through the announcers table for the team and managed to carry the other two to a decent match. I wish his interpreter would have been Roland Alexander and he ate greasy cheeseburgers as he interpreted Khali’s Punjabi musings. And he wore a “Modest Still Rules” vest covered in burger grease.

Khali brings prestige to the Smackdown title which Cena and Lashley could only dream about. Their match was pretty good but I don’t get why either’s a big deal. Lashley did some good amateur go-behinds and mat work for a few seconds that he should do more often. Instead he uses power moves because he’s a generic WWE monster. I think Cena’s a pretty crappy wrestler, everything he does just doesn’t look right, he’s too muscle bound. The finish was weird, Cena sort of body dropping Lashley of the second rope. In Jim Ross speak that equals "BUH GAWD KING!!! F U FROM THE TOP ROPE!!! THE TOP ROPE!!!"