THIS IS MY ARMY, WE WILL DESTROY YOU (1)

JAVIER MASCHERANO
I’d guess he grew up watching that crazy Argentine Lucha show. The guys a worker pure and simple, if I found out he was the original Mascarita Sagrada it wouldn’t surprise me. Gerrard gets all the plaudits because he’s English, has got to that Beckham position of being untouchable, even if he plays rubbish and’s part of the New World Order (possibly). But Gerrard’s not in my army, El Super Raton is. And if those two Yank millionaires don't give Rafa cash money to buy little Javier, I'll swim the Atlantic and start snapping the necks of the Montreal Canadians and Texas Rangers players until they pay up.

Birthday Greetings To El Puma

Yesterday it was your hero and mine JERRY ESTRADA'S 50th birthday. The bumps and stuff have caught up with him but I hope he's doing ok. I visualise the not so mini Jerrito Estrada walking into Jerry's dining room holding a cake with fifty lit candles on it, singing happy birthday to his larger version. I bet Jerry got 20% of Jerrito's earnings or something, like an agent, so Jerrito was probably created for drug money. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Looking at the fantastic Luchawiki site I noticed that Herodes was one of Jerry's trainers, which explains alot and makes me happy.

I'll probably do some hero of the week thing, just so I post at least once a week. What for, I don't know. Hero's probably the wrong word, maybe I'll think of something better.

ALF STEWART QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Don "Flathead" Fisher: Now lets get this right, erm Lucas said, erm, put the disc in the A drive. No, was it the C drive?

Alf: I’d go for the A Don.



Jesus, I've just read that last post and all that Liverpool team picking nonsense. I'm not going to be doing that anymore, one I'm too lazy and five will make you get down. Oh no, it gets worse.

Oh yeah, what I wanted to write, and apologies to Stewey for using his space to do it, I was flicking round the channels the other day (month) and there was this new Poirot TV movie on. But it was based in the present and this US policeman said to Poirot (bloke from El Cid/ Dr Octopus), who was looking at some gym equipment, "15 minutes of using that a day and you Mr Poirot will have abs like Brad Pitt in Fight Club." It just sounded so wrong. Yeah, I'm on a role tonight.

Ever Get The Feeling.....Take Up Thy Stethoscope And Walk

It's me again, yes how did you guess, 'cos last time you were really not bothered at all. Hi kids, I'm quoting Betty Boo there, sort of, from that wonderful early 90's beat number "Doin' The Doo". Now I think her and Cathy Dennis write songs for every British girl and boy band in existence. Call it filthy lucre but money's money I guess and even if the songs she write hurt my brain it pays the bills.

Just watching the Real Madrid game and I thought Guti had spider web tattoos on his elbows like he was some latino prison daddy but I noticed they're actually stars, which looks really gay. He just got sent off because he dived and then kicked out at a Murcia player because he fake hurt him. I preferred football when Bernd Schuster and Michael Laudrup were players rather than managers.

I got this special edition Pink Floyd "The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn" album. I'm not a big Pink Floyd fan, I just like their early stuff when dear old Syd was still there experimenting, pulling a bunch of future prog rock dinosaurs by their short and curlies into the 12th dimension. Or something like that. Actually a lot of it sounds like their later post Syd stuff really which sort of means I like Pink Floyd. Ugh. I may as well go and buy the best of CD of everyone that played Live Aid and overdose on rock dinosaurs.

In early October I promised Lucha but didn't deliver on my promise so I'm a big fat liar. I haven't watched any since then, I had a week off work but only watched WCW Nitro from 2000. For some strange reason I got the whole year on DVD a while back, it really is awful. I sort of hoped and remembered it being so bad it's good but it's mostly just confusing brain rot so bad it's bad.

So yeah, what a comeback. I'm not going to promise you anything my imaginary readers. Ok, I promise I'll do an Alf Stewart quote thing in the next 10 minutes. Ugh. Maybe.

Viva el Art Molby: STUFF

I got 9 of the starting 11 correct vs Tottenham, which was pretty good. I prefer Voronin to Kuyt but I didn't think Rafa would. We played well first half but once Spurs scored we fell to pieces. I can't be bothered going over the game again. I've got a horrible feeling Benitez will go with Crouch and Kuyt against Everton because there's no space for Torres to run behind or some nonsense like that.



I saw an old woman on the bus the other day who looked like Perro Aguayo. I didn't get close enough to see if she was wearing furry boots or if she had a scarred forehead, mainly because I was too scared she/he would slap the hell out of me. I did notice she/he had a few blades taped to her fingers, or maybe they were just rings, who knows....

Viva el Phil Babb: Is This Music?

Yes my imaginary readers, it doesn't get any worse than the dreaded Viva el Phil Babb. Viva el Art Barr and Viva el Jan Molby are about everything that is beautiful and wondrous in the world, whether it be mimicking swimming to Mexicans in LA or hitting 60 yard passes with the outside of your left foot at The Valley. But Phil Babb is bad baby doll, badder than Bad News Allen. Viva el Phil Babb is like sliding on wet grass and wrapping your balls around a goal post.

The Marseilles performance made me realise that nothing's changed and that we've been pretty ordinary at best over the last 4 or 5 games (Portsmouth, Birmingham, Wigan, Porto). From thinking we had a genuine chance to win the league I now think that 5th place and getting knocked out of the Uefa Cup by Everton looms brazenly on our horizon.

I don't even know how many players I picked correctly for the Wigan game, probably 6 or 7. I'm going to keep on trying to pick the team because it's something to do and it'd be a hell of an achievement if I got 11 out of 11. It wouldn't help my life at all in the grand scheme of things but hey, it's the little things right?

Anyway I think the site needs an injection of sweet sweet lucha and reader I'm going to give it to you. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. I actually watched some lucha last night, CMLL from 1998, and Fishman was a grumpy old rudo and it made me smile. VIVA EL ART BARR. VIVA EL LOVE MACHINE. VIVA EL RUDOS. (Puts on leather gloves and rings bell). YES!

Team vs Tottenham:
Reina
Finnan Carragher Hyppia Arbeloa
Pennant Gerrard Mascherano Babel
Torres Kuyt

VIVA EL JAN MOLBY.

Viva el Jan Molby: Vs Wigan

I got 8 out of 11 right for the Reading game, which was pretty good. I got the whole midfield correct which means I get to pick between a mini mars or mini fudge bar. I went for the Mars.
I said that everyone would die if Torres played, well we're all still alive so I let you off, only for the fact the Torres out Rushied Ian Rush. All he needs is a black 'tashe and everything would be right with the world. Oh, but if he doesn't start against Wigan, Rafael Benitez EVERYONE DIES!!! Seriously Rafa, wouldn't it be nice if we won the league? Here's the starting 11 for tomorrows game against Wigan, almost 15 hours before kick off. Amazing. I see Spanish people. I don't see French goalies.

Reina
Finnan, Carragher, Hyppia, Arbeloa
Pennant, Gerrard, Mascherano, Babel
Torres, Voronin

It can't be right, that's far too straight forward for Rafa. I picked Kuyt but then I changed it to Voronin.